Child like faith

I have recently been watching and observing children quite closely. I have noticed the faith they have in their parents or care takers, the desire to be around those who have helped them grow, and the desire to prove themselves to their loved ones. I have related these findings with recent readings in the bible about us being like little children. I have seen their simple little acts and wonder if everyone acted that way with God, how amazing would our relationship be with Him?! How much more would we trust and be more in tuned with what God wants us to hear rather then us choosing what we want to hear, what we want to do, and how we want to live. There is so much to learn from children that I haven't known until recently that I desire to implement in my own life! This past week as I walked into the house from work, I was walking to my room and Liam (my little nephew) came running up to me with arms wide open and screamed my name. Without much time to react, he jumped into my arms and held onto me and wouldn't let go. I then decided to change my plans about going to my room and shower right away and play with him. Whenever we give this kind of affection to God, and run to Him with arms wide open, wanting to embrace Him and never let go, I think God desires to teach us because our hearts and minds are open and welcoming to His commands. In these times, when I have recently been praying and listening to God's voice, I have found much joy and pleasure in spending time with Him and in His presence. He has just filled me with an abundance of joy and contentment that I couldn't ask for anything more. Whenever I truly surrender my thoughts and my prayers and my requests to Him, I find myself on my knees before Him and these are the most rewarding and truly precious moments I hope to never lose. I know the stillness and in the quiet of the night is when my meditation and times with God are the most intimate because my mind isn't busy with the days plans and ideas running rampant in my mind. I have taken videos of children and hope to make a compilation of the children I have caught on tape and for it to express examples of the trust they put into those who love them and what I am talking about here. Many of you may have children and were in awe when they were little and depended on you for everything; but as a parent, you were blessed with the honor to be the care taker of that child while they are on this earth; God is the ultimate and only father that child will ever truly have. We were made in His image and it is such a blessing to feel the comfort in His arms when we are hurting, broken, and torn down to our last thread. He is there, watching over us, holding us, listening. Some people may think He is absent when we need Him most, but God has a reason for all things he does. At some of the most tragic times, we may think he is ignoring us or we think "why did this happen to me?", or "why does this happen to our family when we have trusted and loved God more than ever?". I have noticed at the most tragic and terrible times in our lives; we cling to Jesus the most. Children, cling to their parents or care takers at all times when young and can't do things for themselves. They desire to be held, played with, and fed and are usually content. I have watched children walk a few steps away from the reach of their parents at the clinic and do something but look back in approval to see if their parent was happy or upset with their choice. We have such a better ability than a child does with this same scenario and the things we do and attaining approval from God because we can talk! We can ask God during our prayers or in our days if the things we are doing are pleasing to Him and bringing Him joy. When we are stuck in a dilemma and not sure what decision to make, why do we hesitate to bring it to God and ask approval from all different people in our lives when in the end, Gods way will override the human heart. It says in Proverbs 16:9 "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." This is such an encouraging, simple verse, and I challenge you to take it and place it somewhere you can read it daily and just think about it; above all else, God is in control. Breathe, relax, you don't have to walk the scary road alone. God is with you. Just lean back against Him and breathe. The song I absolutely love and need in times when I feel alone is the song called "The more I seek you" by Kari Jobe. It says "I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hands, lay back against you and breathe and feel your heart beat. This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand, I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming." The part where it specifically says drink from the cup in your hand, gives me a picture of a parent giving a drink to their child and their child trusting they will receive the essential things they need to survive from their parents and its who they ask when they are hungry, thirsty, or sleepy. Good parenting will always comfort the needs of their children. I have watched parents neglect and ignore their children as well and it is sad. But people, our God is NOT like that! We have to trust and know that God loves and adores children and we are HIS. I have also seen the imagination that children display when by themselves or in a group of young ones their own age. They come up with AMAZING scenarios and I truly wonder what their images are in their minds because the sound effects and things Liam can do on his own make me astounded. I truly wish I could be in his brain sometimes when he is pretending to be a transformer and blow things up! I wish I had a picture of the images he is imagining and how much more children believe in these supernatural things and just have fun with it! You may think it is creepy that I sit and watch children, but I take it as something God is trying to teach me right now. He is teaching me to trust that I will be fed and clothed each and every day. I will be given food to eat, a place to rest my head at night, and people around me to help grow me. I will be given the necessitates of this life but most of all, He will be leading my steps so I don't totally have to depend on my human flesh and desires because if it was me choosing and guiding my own path, I would be lost and stuck at every "Y" or huge decision in the road. With God, he urges or nudges me toward one way when I am willing to listen. But when I try to make all my own choices and decisions because they feel good at the time, most likely God will pick us back up when we fall, and place us back to where we left off and left Him behind and try to walk with us. If we would just hold His hand when we cross the street, and run and jump into his arms when we are desperate for Him, and just lay back against Him and breathe, how much more satisfying would our relationship be with Him, and how many more people would be in true submission to Him. Think about it; if you literally did some of the scenarios I described above with God, would you feel childish and stupid? At one time in your life, you did ALL these things because we were all children and couldn't feed ourselves, we couldn't clothe ourselves, we couldn't reach the cupboard that holds the cups nor the sink to fill a cup to give us something to drink. I want you imagine with me that God is your parent and you are as helpless as a child but with your choice and thoughts, you go to Him for recognition and ask "God, is what I am about to do going to please you and bring glory to your name?" Think about what Jesus would do if He were in your shoes. It may seem cliche, "What would Jesus do", but its something you need to think about; and it's not just when you need help on a hard decision or when your having trouble in life. It is a daily choice and question you need to present before God. You need to sacrifice your thoughts, your choices, your ways, your burdens to Him and he will comfort you and heal your wounds, your broken heart, or your crushed spirit. Only He has the power to satisfy your every need. I have also recently been listening to the song "You alone can satisfy" by Ross King every single day and it honestly reminds me, as a human I will fall in love with the things He despises when I choose my ways, and only He can satisfy. It says "I have wasted affections on the things you despise, now I long to return to you; you alone can satisfy." It helps remind me that things of this world are only temporary and people, things, objects we obsess will always leave us wanting more, and the only being able to fill that void is God himself. So run, arms outstretched and call His name! Reach up for the glass of water He has in His hands and drink! Look back and ask God if he is in approval of about what your about to do! He answers you if you listen! He hears you when you knock, and if your persistent, He WILL open the door. The main verse I want you to take from this blog post is found in Matthew 18:3-4 where is says "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." We will satisfy God the most when we surrender and humble ourselves and our lives to Him! We will be the GREATEST in the kingdom of heaven! So for once in your life, I am advising you to act like a child, a child needing someone to cling to, a child needing a drink, a child needing to be loved and give all these needs to God himself and He will fill your needs. Please keep in your prayers: the Grace Community Church pastor group is coming into Nicaragua this week and will be training pastors in Matagalpa, my family here, and the Seacaost college team coming on the 20th of this month as we will be staying with an indigenous community in Leon. Thank you all for your continued prayer and support! I miss you all at home!

The HERE and NOW!

Thank you all for keeping up with my blog and my life here in Central America! I couldn’t be where I am at RIGHT this second without all your help through prayers and financial support you have so generously given! This blog is going to be a little different. I am going to break down a single day for you in my eyes…. So hold on; it will be interesting! A normal day goes a little something like this; I roll over as my first alarm goes off at 4:52, stumble out of bed to hit the snooze and bring my ipod back to my bed and lay down again knowing I will have to turn off the alarm again. It goes off again at 4:56, pushing the snooze button once more and waiting for my last wake up alarm to go off at 5:00 and mentally prepare myself for the run ahead. I know that it may seem ironic to set three alarms, but sometimes I am so tired I don’t even remember turning them off! Sometimes I am tempted to set 5! I then run around the school across my street; right in front of my house. When I got here in September my mom and sister would walk me to a park about 10 blocks away, but why waste twenty minutes walking there and back when I can just run safely across the street right in front of my house? I run about 10-12 laps depending on how my knees are feeling and how long it has been since I have run. I listen to songs like Planet shakers and Hillsong that are upbeat and get me excited to start my day and remind me how awesome our God is! One time I caught myself skipping to a song and ALWAYS catch myself singing out loud. It is a great way to get the blood rushing in the morning and I love feeling the cool brisk air on my skin as I run. It is the only time I am allowed to wear shorts in public; so it is quite a relief! I see the sun come up every morning I run, and I am able to see a few buses start their early morning route at around 5:20. I am usually done around 5:30 and then return to my house, let myself in with the key hidden in my secret pocket in my shorts. I then go straight to the fridge, guzzle down some cold water and enter my room and turn my fan on, lay on the cold tile floor with the lights off. I keep my music on and just meditate on what I will do for the rest of the day. I pray to God to bless my day and allow me to impact those he desires me to reach. I also pray for my families (here and at home) and my friends who are doing missions too. I know how hard it is to be away from home and know people who travel away from loved ones for a long period of time always need comforting so I pray that God comforts the souls who have listened to his command. I find this time very relaxing. I also usually do my daily bible reading during this time. I am reading the bible in a year challenge in chronological order and it has been such a blessing! I am in Psalms right now and God has granted me encouragement through the times I need it! I get in the shower right at six and enjoy taking a cold shower after the heat and sweat have left my body. We always have water in the morning, so I enjoy taking a shower at that time. I then get dressed in a pair of scrubs, walk out into the kitchen, make myself either a peanut butter and jelly, scrambled eggs, cut myself some fruit, or have some plain cereal in a bowl (with no milk). I then take what I have to eat, sit out on the back patio in a rocking chair and have a staring contest with our dog spikey and talk with Lucas (our bird). I just think about my time here, my favorite times, my not so favorite times, and the things coming up that will make my schedule a little more interesting. I picture myself packing my backpack for the day at this time as well. Monday’s is a day when I have church planning with the group of us young people who are starting a church here in Managua, so I pack an extra set of clothes and some baby wipes so I can half way clean myself after sitting in the clinic all day sweating. I then finish my breakfast, go back to my room, and lie on my bed in my scrubs directly in front of my fan thanking God again for the opportunity he has given me to be in such a great family and in his perfect plan! I brush my teeth, take my morning meds, put my phone, hand sanitizer, Chap Stick and 2.5 cordobas in my pockets, and head out the door! I wait right in front of my house for the bus; which comes every 15-30 minutes. I usually always get a seat because our bus is rarely packed at the time I get on. I get stared at everyday, but try to make the people see that I am comfortable by showing myself as confident on where I am going. When you show fear, people can see right through it. So I put my confidence in God and know he will protect me wherever I go. This bus route is quite interesting and we pass through some nice parts of the city and I realized that the nice neighborhood never has people just sitting outside their house watching the city start to get busy because these people usually have jobs and make an income sustainable for their living conditions. I then pass some not so nice parts of the city. One example is right in front of a hospital; where there are “Fritangas” (fried food stands) set up right along the hospital wall. I think, “wow, what a convenience, you can eat a fried enchilada after leaving your early morning blood test and seeing that your cholesterol is out the roof already!” I know these foods are off limits for me because I don’t know how they are made and was told when I got here to stay away from foods made on the streets because they are not safe for foreigners. When I get off the bus, I walk down a dirt road and sometimes I see people I have talked to, wave, and keep walking to my destination. Sometimes I have the joy of passing the man with no arms who rides his bike around selling bread all day. He has obviously adjusted his bike so that he does not have to use his arms, but just lean forward on a bar while using his legs to get him going. I then make it to the clinic about ten or five minutes till 8:00. I sit myself on the couch after my thirty to forty minute bus ride and two minute walk to the clinic. I then enter the pharmacy and start taking names of people who want consults and there are always people waiting when I get there. It costs 65 cordobas to see the doctor here. 24.4 cordobas equals one US dollar. You do the math. Cheap! But not to people here whom on average, make $4.00 a day. I then wait for the other professionals to enter the clinic. Sarita; my partner in the pharmacy; the woman in charge of everything at the clinic! She does it all; taking care of paying the laboratories we buy medicines from, the inventory of medicines, and the money we have at all times. She has been working for the doctor for 10 years now. The doctor is obviously at the clinic because it is out of his house. The cook, Nestor is starting our lunch already at 8 and making foods for people who buy stuff while waiting in the waiting room. The dentist and her assistant come in around 8:30 and the other doctor comes in around the same time. The doctor who is in our clinic drawing labs is there by 7:30 everyday. As the day goes on, I usually give a couple injections here and there, get to clean a wound every now and then, sometimes get to do a home visit and see people I have missed or gotten to know well since I have been here. We then have lunch around noon and then I get to rest a little on the couch before we get back to work and push through the rest of the day. I leave the clinic around 4:15 everyday and try to catch the bus that leaves around 8:30. I then get off at a place about 20 minutes away from home and catch a taxi and get them to drive me to the place me are meeting for the new church. We pray and talk about how our day was; usually enjoy a small snack and some bottled water and then get to talking and praying and next week we start evangelizing to get people to come to our church! We will go to neighborhoods and invite people to our new church! I am excited for this to start! Please pray for this process to hurry along! After this meeting I either get a ride home from the pastor and his wife, or get a taxi home with another guy in the group because it is dangerous for a girl to travel alone. I then get home, check to see if we have water and usually we don’t so then I grab a bucket from the back patio, fill it up with the water we have sitting in a large trash can and lug it to my bathroom. I then take a bucket shower, get on my computer, and check my e-mails from hospitals, CFCI, or anyone else who decides to write. I sometimes talk to my parents or friends via facetime or skype. I update my facebook if anything that day has stood out to me or snap a picture to put up on instagram. I then eat my dinner. Usually alone because the family here eats in their rooms. I would prefer to eat in the kitchen; one less way of attracting animals or insects into my room. My favorite meal is gallo pinto, tajadas, and sweet tea. This is very common here too, so I am in luck. I then enter my room; either watch a movie on my computer, a sermon, or read a book until 9:30 or 10 rolls around. I then journal about my activities in the day and talk to God the rest of the time before I fall asleep. I get up the next day to do it all again! Some things obviously change, but not much! I have been so thankful to meet the people I have since I have been here and make the connections I have. I was recently shaken by something God chose to show me while reading my bible at night. In James 4:13-14 it says ““Now listen, you who say “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is you life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.””(italics mine) I realized, God is so right! We are here in the moment and I need to focus more on the HERE and NOW instead of what I WANT to do in the future! He holds my life! He knows my desires and hears my dreams! He knows exactly where I desire to be and what I want to make of my life. If ANY of that is in HIS plan, it WILL happen. I just need to take one day at a time. Pray for the people in my current life. Pray for the prostitutes that try to flag down cars to make money for their children, the children who spend all day in the hot sun begging for money on the busiest highways and streets, or the people who live in a house the size of my bedroom here. I need to thank God and be so submissive to Him and His voice that nothing else matters but doing His work. I then went back to read James 4: 7-8 where it says “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you, Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify you hearts, you double-minded.” I submit my life to Him. I have trusted Him since I have been here to guide me in the exact manner He desires for my life and thus far, I have had no obligations or second thoughts about the things He has taught me. I am not learning more about ME here, I am learning about HIM. His precious love for his children and his comfort he always offers when we succumb to his desires and his will. I have found myself in tears many nights just thanking him for my time, but also in tears many times needing his loving arms to guard me and protect me and just wrap around me to hold me from the loneliness I sometimes feel. I hope that this encourages you all to just submit your lives to God! He knows what He is doing! Trust me, I have been living in HIS plan an not my own for about 8 months now and I know He is a much better person to be in control of my flesh and human desires. I will admit, it is and has been hard, but I wouldn’t change anything from these 8 months. I have been places I would never have gone if I would be living the way I WANT to live. I have met people who are inspiring and have changed my life by the way they live their lives. I have also seen some pretty amazing things happen through God. He has moved me and made me realize that I have to succumb to Him if I want to see change. I can’t change my heart, I can only decide to listen and be lead by Him and watch Him work miracles in my life. He has done so! I truly believe He has saved me from a road I would hate to be on right now! I have swerved off the road a dozen times in my past and will continue to do so because I am human and have a flesh that desires things God doesn’t. I am assured though when I think about God and his amazing and saving grace. I am so in love with Him right now and have never been more amazed at His goodness and love towards me! I am getting close to ending my time here, but these last three and half months will be my best yet! I have no doubt! With God anything is possible! God bless you all! Stay tuned for more updates! Miss you all! See you soon! Prayer requests: I will be able to make another trip to Costa Rica again before I leave (God has opened doors and I believe my future will be living as a missionary and maybe in Costa Rica) Please also pray for the church we are starting to bring in true, real, broken people to God to lead home! Pray for my family here! And praise God I have had no more health problems! Thanks!

Month 7 video and update!

March Happenings!

This past month has been so fun filled and entertaining and has gone by EXTREMELY fast. There have been some huge changes and happenings lately here at CFCI Nicaragua. First and foremost, my friend Kate Maccarone came to visit me for a week. She got here March 8th, and we had a great time exploring and viewing the beautiful country of Nicaragua. We visited the tourists’ attractions of course, with my wonderful host family as guides. We went to Granada, and Catarina and the Masaya Volcano. She really enjoyed her time here and it was great to catch up and to be able to share my experience and what I do daily with someone so special to me. I miss her so much but it was great. I think we watched a totally of four movies while she was here. We were in no way bored, but it was her spring break from school and we wanted to relax. I took her to work with me for a day and it was great to have here there! The clinic was not as busy as it usually is on Mondays, but she got a little taste of what I do. The next thing that happened was another medical brigade from South Carolina came down and the CFCI staff and the team ventured to Matagalpa. It is about a 2.5-hour drive from Managua into the northeastern part of the country about 4,300 feet above sea level. It was very chilly at night and very relaxing and quiet where we stayed. We stayed at a hotel named “Selva Negra”, which means black forest in English. It is owned by Germans, so the food was prepared and usually not the typical Nicaraguan food. It was very nice to be able to work with a team that got along and mixed so well. We had three different generations there and we all got along so well. Usually at the end of a week mission trip as many of you know, there tend to be little cliques formed and this group had none! I could talk to someone 62 years old and then turn around and talk to someone who is in their mid 40’s and enjoy my conversation just as much with both people! It was awesome to see God move in people’s lives. I saw miracles happen. 40 people accepted God as their Lord and Savior, one man said he wants to move to Nicaragua and that he has known in for a while, he just needs to act, and I saw patients (like as a doctor). These were all things that I remember clearly from the brigade. I saw about 60-70 patients during the compilation of these four days and each day was a totally different experience. Some of the days I did not feel great, but I knew I had to keep going and push through, because these people have never had an American team visit and needed this blessing more than I needed to lay down and rest. This pain I had was causing me to lean over because it was one of the only comfortable positions that allowed me to feel a little better. I saw a number of patients who needed the typical Ibuprofen or Acetaminophen for pain that they get regularly down here because they live in this dreadful heat and do not drink enough water. It is very common here for the locals to get headaches or back aches and overall body aches because they do not drink even the equivalent to one bottle of water. But I also got to see some patients who needed just someone to listen to them and others who needed some cool things like warts or moles removed. If you know me well, I am into things like that and getting the self-satisfaction of taking away things that people think are ugly; my prime example and ultimate favorite is popping pimples. I know it may seem gross, but it is something I like doing. I also got to inject a muscle relaxant into a ladies knee. She was having joint pain and Dr. Kyle (orthopedic) helped guide me to where to inject this medicine and it was a great experience. This team brought down 19 people. Two doctors, two physical therapists, a PA, guys for construction, people to work in the pharmacy, people to work triage, and people to play with the kids. Usually with a team that size, you have a great effect on the community you are outreaching to. We saw 40 people accept Jesus, which is awesome! This country has a huge Catholic influence and it is hard to sway their views. I was able to pray for each of my patients individually and it was a blessing to be able to pray in Spanish with each person. Some would look at me and give me a huge embrace before leaving the consult area and others would shake my hand and thanking me for all I did. I was in awe of the kindness of people and their willingness to open up to me as their doctor. This was a great team and I had the pleasure of getting to know everyone on a deep level! I have even looked into Greenville (the town in South Carolina) as a place to possibly live in the future. A lot of people said they would house me until I get on my feet. I am definitely considering it! Praise God for people who are willing to be so kind and courteous! I am having the time of my life down here and I wouldn’t change it for anything! Traveling and getting to serve the people of this beautiful country is what I absolutely love! Another huge thing happened this past month. Shelby; the other missionary and my beloved friend left to go back home to Minnesota where it is cold and so I am once again solo ☹ Many people were blessed by her abilities and gifts she used while she was down here and it was great to work along side her and see her gifts reach the hearts and souls of Nicaraguans and the people she shared them with. She was so happy and such a joy to be around all the time and it was great having her here with me to share my stories with and to hear her progress as a person and in her work here as well. I loved how she was so devoted and a “go getter”. She felt bored on some afternoons so she made it appoint to look into working with another organization and made her mark there as well! It was an awesome person to be with for the past two and a half months. She is already greatly missed here! I hope she is not freezing in the snow in Minnesota! I hear it is quite cold up in the states for this time of year. Well, you’re lucky, I would trade a week of snow for a day of this heat. Trust me people, you have it good! As many of you may know already or heard through the grape vine, that I became sick or have been sick for a little while and just went to get tested and found that I have something that many people get doing missions or traveling. I am on medications for a certain intestinal worm, but still 100% unsure of what one I have, and who knows, maybe I will never bee 100% sure. I have had God guide the steps of people into my life to specifically help me and advise me on what they think should work best with past job experiences and things they have researched for many years. I have also come to realize and have known for a while that some of the most vulnerable people are those who are sick. Sick people with terminal illnesses, sick people with chronic reoccurrences, and sick people with unbearable pain are the most vulnerable. I think I would place myself into the last category. Sometimes this pain required me to stop all activity and just sit and rest and just wait until the pain went away. I have told my mom that if it keeps happening, I am coming home soon. I was determined that I would come home and leave because it was so bad. I know this attack is from the devil and it is a spiritual attack. The devil knows what I am up to for God and he is mad. The devil is angry and wants to pull me back down to where I once was. But too bad, the devil needs to face it and know that I will NEVER turn back or be the person I once was because those times are forgotten and forgiven by the gracious and loving king I call my father and Lord of my life! He is my creator, my life, my soul, and my reason! Nothing else matters with out him because I would not be matter with out him ;) This week I am not at work once again and I feel bad, I feel like I have skipped this whole month at the clinic. This week in Nicaragua is “Semana Santa” which means holy week in English. It is about that time of year for Easter to roll around and I am going to miss hunting in my house for an Easter basket ☹ (maybe I am a little too old for that) But I like living as a kid every once in a while. I have had many special people on the CFCI team step up to bat for me while being sick; taking me under their wing, bringing me to their house to stay, bringing me to their house to enjoy some games and a meal. I love the team I am here with and it is such a cool thing to have Christian friends and be able to share the same beliefs and hang out! It truly changes your desires and your perspective on life when you are continually filled with people who uplift you rather than try to derange your thoughts and pollute them with bad things. I am so blessed to be a part of this team! It is an answer to my prayers! Thank you all for keeping me in your prayers! Specific prayer requests I have for this upcoming month and next couple weeks: Please pray that this sickness is eradicated and the tests are negative when I get re-checked for the intestinal worm I have. Please pray that as I start to look for job opportunities at home that doors are opened and so is my heart to new possibilities. Please pray for these last 5 months to be the most impactful and that God continues to use me as much as he can! I am so honored to be a follower of Christ and love every second of it. Without the help of all my financial support and continued prayers, I would not be sitting here in the heat sweating and writing this blog post! Keep the prayers coming! I am on this wonderful journey and only want you to feel like your by my side! Enjoy! Thanks for reading!

6 month video! Thanks for your support!

God is your life. Living in surrender to HIM.

I have been studying the book Deuteronomy lately and I absolutely love it. I have realized that Moses did a lot of work and spent a lot of time with the Lord. He would spend 40 nights and days at a time in his presence totally consumed by him. Today that is nearly impossible for people. We have technology that exceeds the speed we have never thought possible. We have “to-do” lists that are extremely full and have no room for one more thing because it may be impossible to finish the tasks we have set before us for one day. We have the capacity to schedule years in advance at the touch of our fingers on our “smart phones”. Moses obviously didn’t have that; he had it much better and much more convenient than we do today. He had total access to God and his presence. You may be thinking, we have total access to God as well and you are absolutely right. Today I am going to explain the recent findings I have come across while studying the best tool given to humans today; the bible. In Deuteronomy, the main passages or the most important passages that have impacted me the most are these four that follow. Deut 30:20. …”you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.” How amazing is it to think about the fact that the Lord is your life. What does that mean to you? Because to me, it means that all these things of this world are only a vapor, a short time, and the things we do today affect our eternity. In James it says 14 whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. This makes me thankful for the life I have been given; the freedom, the free will to choose to love God and serve him whole-heartedly and trust in him for everything. I have never before attempted to seek him like I have since I have been here in Nicaragua. I have time to think. I could choose to use the time to make negative thoughts, think about what to do tomorrow, what I could be doing better. Those are all thoughts of the devil. Thinking about tomorrow is pointless because God holds the future. He holds your life, he is your life! Negative thinking is something that has been a huge part of my past. When negative people surrounded me, my attitude would turn and make a 180 turn down the wrong path. My mom even took notice to this. She could detect this change over the telephone (but all of us know our moms have a 6th sense and know when their children are hurting). If your thoughts are consumed with what you could be doing better; it’s the devil saying your not doing good enough. As missionaries, our boss is God. What we do for Him that brings glory to His name is all he asks. He desires a relationship with his children. Deut 20:4. “For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you your victory.” Now regress to what I just mentioned above; the devil putting negative thoughts in your head. God fights the enemy for you. When you devote your time to him and allow him access to the fears, He will take them and discard them elsewhere. I know this all to well. I have been afraid way to many times and haven’t given God my fears and tried to take them on my own. This is a heavy and hard burden to carry. It weighs you down, makes you tired, makes you want to give up, and even quit on the things God may have put on your heart for you to do. In Isaiah 41:10 it says: Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ I know this verse all too well because it is the verse my mom sent me once while I was down here and told her “I am done”, “I can’t do this anymore”, and “I want to come home.” God fought my battle and my time passed and now I am at peace and have confidence he is the one leading me each and every day. I used to wake up and think, “Ok, what do I have to do today?” With that kind of thought process, I was easily tired, and most definitely easily disappointed because I was trying to work, giving of my time, loving the people, AND trying to fight my own battles. People, trust me, it doesn’t work all that well (especially when you can’t understand the language your are engulfed in). Deut 10:17-20. “For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes. He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing. And you are to love those who are aliens, for yourselves were aliens in Egypt. Fear the Lord your God and serve him. Hold fast to him and take your oaths in his name. He is your praise; he is your God…” I absolutely LOVE this verse. I believe it describes the missionary life. We have the God of gods and the Lord of lords on our side! He doesn’t accept bribes. Our boss won’t let us leave early if we promise to work harder tomorrow. Each and everyday, he expects our best; our hearts, our souls, and our minds to be completely fixed on Him. He will then take our hand and lead us to where he wants us to go. He is mighty and awesome! I know those seem like mundane words that are used to describe our God, but in actuality the word “awesome” means something causing awe or terror. The word mighty means having or showing great power, skill, strength, or force. I would say these words fit God perfectly and probably will use them less now for the things of this world. Loving the alien is what us missionaries love doing (or at least I do). Loving the people most people ignore, loving the aliens that most people look down upon, and loving the broken who have lost hope in themselves and don’t know who holds their future. The little acts of giving someone food and clothes can go a long way in today’s world. And especially in the country we are in. The simple act of telling patients at the clinic that some medications are donated puts a smile on their face; a sigh of relief shortly follows. Its like I can hear their thoughts (“glad I don’t have to sacrifice my food tonight for 30 more pills to control my blood pressure”, or “Thank God this medication for circulation was donated because the doctor said my heart has a lot of hardened and almost clogged arteries and if I don’t get something to help me, another heart attack is right around the corner.”) It makes me happy that the people at the clinic I work at have the opportunity to receive free medicines and makes me appreciate the people in America a little more knowing they package and put time, money, and energy into us down here in Nicaragua. Fearing the Lord your God for Christians means something that is very much a relief to me. In Hebrews 12 it says 28 Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, 29 for our God is a consuming fire. This reverence or deep respect and awe should be the motivating factor for us to surrender to the Creator of the Universe. Deut 4:29. “But if you from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul.” This is a short verse, but so perfectly said. Think about how you personally seek God. Is it on the way to your job in the car? Is it praying in the early morning at 4:00AM before no one else is awake and the world is quiet? Is it at night right before you get into bed and prepare yourself for a new day ahead? For me, it is turning my music on, shutting my eyes, meditating on the words of songs and either humming them or singing them softly. They are my words to God. I absolutely love music and the beautiful sound it makes and when I turn music on to meditate and think about God, I feel fully consumed and devoured by his presence (in a good way of course). But you have to put forth the effort. God won’t open to door if you don’t knock. He won’t carry you if you hold on to your own baggage and fears. He won’t comfort you when you don’t confide in him. These are all things you have to surrender to him with ALL of your heart and with ALL of your soul. In Matthew 7 it says it perfectly 7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. I am challenging my fellow friends and family to do just this. Spend your quiet time fully consumed by his love and his spirit and allow your thoughts to be his thoughts and your work to be his work. This is a hard task. We must renew our cup with his spirit and passions, because ours will eventually run out of fuel. This past weekend I was in Costa Rica and I absolutely loved it. At church the preacher had a candle and fish bowl and was preaching on a verse in Revelations but I could not understand much because the accent there is a little different and the echo of the microphone also didn’t help me pick up much. But, I kind of was thinking what I am about to share while he was preaching about something using the same artifacts. 1. Picture a fishbowl and picture a lit candle. The candle is you and your fire for God and the fishbowl is the world. 2. When you are surrounded by the fishbowl, upside down it represents the world. This world is heavy; though you don’t feel all the weight. This world is draining and surrounding you at all angles. This world is suffocating and will eventually burn your fire or light out if you are surrounded by it and don’t give up time each day for God to operate on your heart and allow you to breathe and share with him your heart. 3. Scientifically, the fire will eventually be put out because oxygen is not reaching the candle and allowing it to keep burning. 4. It metaphorically represents the world and the weight of the world on our shoulders. Like the verses earlier, we need to seek God with all out heart and soul, and allow him to fight our battles. 5. Now picture the fire lit and your inside the fishbowl and it is right side up. 6. This represents you in the world, but spending time with God each and everyday. The fishbowl represents God’s shield he places around your heart when you devote and dedicate your time to him. You won’t be burnt out and your heart won’t wear the weight of your problems and your shoulders will feel relieved and lightened when you hand over your problems to him. I ask you to think about when and where you spend the most time with God and this week definitely go there and give God your heart and your soul. He is your life! I absolutely admire the work God is doing in each of our hearts and each of us has an important role to play in this thing we call life. I can’t even begin to understand God and why he does the things he does. But I totally understand He loves me and desires me to love him and seek him with my whole heart and soul. He desires for all his children to spend time with him and he wants us to have a relationship with him. He wants us to surrender and he is willing to carry us when we fall and when we stumble. We will all make mistakes and none of us our perfect, but we have a God that made the world and is perfectly protecting our hearts.

NICARAGUA explained

Today is a day I have taken a brake from my schedule and reflected thus far on my time here in Nicaragua. I have decided to explain my time here with the letters of this country. "N" is for NEW beginnings. I have started a new life, have met new people and have planted myself into a new atmosphere. I am currently in the process of helping to start a new church! God is bigger than anything and only with the power of him and his never ending love am I able to have the wisdom to help start a new church in Nicaragua where there is none. I was contacted by a person who was on the last medical brigade and he was thinking of starting a new church and I told him I was interested in helping. I know he and his wife are great people and his passion is life is bringing people into relationship so that they can learn and see God's love through what he does. Carlos and Luisa have an amazing story and are full of God's love. They live solely off of His timing and it has been awesome to meet them and get to know them on a more personal level while talking about this church planning. Today is the first meeting of discipleship and I will have to miss it because I am feeling sick. "I" is for INTERESTING. When i was first introduced to Nicaragua through orientation and was told there will be things while I am here that will be "different". I thought (well duh, its a totally new place) of course this will be different. At that time, I thought Americas ways of doing life were superior and much more sensible. Since I have been here, I have changed and my mind set is different. The way people live here is beautiful just like some lives in the states. Of course everywhere you go, you will have poor decisions that were made, leading to poor lifestyles, but as well you have people here that are left poor and make great lives for themselves. This can happen anywhere, but you see it much more when the odds are against you (a country like Nicaragua). I have fallen in love with the people of this country and the differences that make us each unique in our own ways. God has designed each of us individually and given us each our own way of coping. Since I have been here, I have learned that when someone asks me my take on something; for example, the work I do in the clinic, I say "it is interesting, but I love it". I don't always add in the little tidbit that I love it, but things that I have come to love, I definitely don't leave the sentence bland and empty with the word interesting. There are many interesting differences here all the way from raising children to caring for the sick. I have learned to accept each of them as interestingly different and think I may even adopt some of them as my own when I start a family one day. "C" is for companionship. I have had a few people that stick out in my mind that have become companions since I have been here. One has been by my side this whole trip; my mother here (Isabel) and one that I have recently met that has taken me under her wing (Esmeralda). The group of missionaries I work with also are people I consider companions in different ways. I have found these two individual people who have walked with me through my struggles and held me close when I needed it most. Without a companion to help you or people to listen to you, I think you might go crazy. I am in a totally unique environment and working under a different set of standards here that I need to express how I am feeling sometimes to people who live here. These two people have helped me learn more about the culture and explained it in words that are easily understandable to me in the language I am still learning each day. I have found that with close companions, I can share my heart and these people accept me no matter what. They are both Christians and are people I admire greatly. My mother here is a leader in our church and is very smart and strong in everything she does. My friend Esmeralda is studying anesthesiology and is interested to help me grow and learn more in the language and my career (she let me practice starting and IV on her). These people have gone out of their comfort zones to help me adapt more; trust me! "A" is for ANXIETY. I have had anxiety many times since I have been here that it would be unfair to write that only good things come when you are serving God. I think anxiety in small spurts is healthy for normal human functioning. You need a little of anxiety here and there to keep you human and help you realize that you are living in the same world most humans live in! I had anxiety starting my new job, meeting new people at church, work, and my family. I had anxiety my first time taking a taxi, the first time riding the bus alone, and many firsts I have had to do. The first time I have tried foods, a slight, tiny, itsy bitsy ounce of anxiety came over me because I didn't know if I would like it. I have thought to myself before I even tried foods (what if I hate this whole plate of food?). I have loved every food I have tried here and the things I am not so fond of are not common or are usually snacks that are purchased when desired. "R" is for RARE. There are rare things I have seen that have made me look twice. Like every new place you go, your always on the watch for things that are different. Here it is common for people to carry huge bags of plastic, or pushing large carts with the whole thing filled with plastic so they can make some money. It must not be much, because these people have a full bag or full bin and are still collecting. I also find it rare that children are juggling mandarin oranges in the streets for money rather than eating them for nutrients. I find it rare that IM injections are given in the butt all the time here no matter what! I find it rare that men claim to be Christians and leave their family to have another mistress and start a family with her and then return to the family he once had and act like everything is ok. There are many rarities here but I know that God has shown me what he has to learn from them and pray to accept them with a non judgmental heart. "A" is for ALIVE. Since I have been here, I have realized that the city is alive during all times of the day and even through some nights. On December 7th and 8th, fireworks are shot off at all hours. On December 24th, fireworks are also bounding throughout the city and especially on December 31st, the whole country is alive. The town is alive. Every time I have been running at 5:00 AM in the morning there has been at least one person up and one bus running, showing me that this city is never dead. There is always someone working somewhere making money for themselves; whether its my host sister coming home at 2:30 AM from work, or a drunk man begging for 1 cordoba in the middle of a 3 lane highway at stop lights to buy his next drink, or a prostitute waiting for her next client to make money to bring home the next meal for her children. I have seen many different instances and heard many stories that have allowed me to see the variety and severity of the meaning of this word. Some people may take it as a bad thing, but others may be thankful for the job they have that keeps them alive. I have been thankful to be in the city to see the celebrations and the culture light up the night on certain occasions. "G" is for GRACE. I recently explained to a couple that I never pictured myself as missionary. Even growing up in the church; the term missionary was never appetizing to me. I always thought the biggest house, the nicest car, and the most expensive clothes was what pleasing God was all about because that is what society tells you. Of course this isn't the devout, loving, and disciples following Christ religiously kind of people I used to admire. It was television, movies, music that brought these thoughts into my mind. Here I have received God's grace and he has allowed me to see that through relationships I have formed and the person I am becoming is not possible without him and his love. I am nothing without him and I am saved by his grace. It has allowed me to be here and blessed by the things and people in this country I have come across thus far. "U" is for UNITED. I have found this term used specifically for families all throughout Central America. People here whether you are related by blood or through marriage, you stand as a united unit through everything. As a family grows up here, the mother and father have a house in a particular neighborhood. As the children bro up, they purchase houses across the street, or on the same street or even next door to the main person of this family. This process continues through any generations, therefore you have generations either living together or side by side and everyone is around all the time for all events. It is a beautiful site and I love watching cousins being able to play with one another by just crossing the street. It wasn't as easy for my sisters and I to play with relatives considering our family based themselves in Florida and everyone else was in a difference states hundreds of miles away. I may find it so interesting and be mesmerized by it because it wasn't easily attainable for me. I appreciate the unity of families here. Even if they may be broke, they are still mostly accepting and united. I love that! "A" is for ANSWERED prayers. God answered my prayer and allowed me to be in this country which I have absolutely fallen in love with. I am doing his will for my life and I would desire nothing more. I have met amazing people, people that have lifted me up, have helped me get to where I am. Supporters who have helped answer my prayers with their prayers and continued support. I have learned so much thus far. I am so thankful for a faithful God. He has answered so many of my prayers from a suitcase being returned and have covered every expense I have needed. A little update on things that have been happening: Liam and Gorge Luis started school in February. I will be traveling to Costa Rica the 28th of February to renew my visa (AKA; I have been here for 6 months!). I will have one of my friends (Kate) come to visit March 8th-15th. I will be helping a medical brigade on the 16th-24th of March from South Carolina. I attended a medical bridge in Esteli with a Mennonite team from Ohio on February 17th. My missionary friend here (Shelby) may leave soon because she doesn't have much funds to last her another month. I am not looking to get my residency anymore. Please pray for my stomach it has been upset and not well the last couple weeks. I hate being sick and I stayed home from my usual Thursday meeting because I felt nauseous and had a fever this morning. Thanks for your continued support and prayers. I appreciate you all so much. May God be glorified through all we do! AMEN!